1373: Sonja Lyubomirsky | Five Mindsets to Get You More of What Matters

Coming up next on the Jordan Harbinger show. We talk about wealth, people who have it all success or wealth. That wealth or success or fame amplifies what you already have, right? So if you're a generous person before you got rich, you become even more generous. If you are a greedy person, you become even more greedy. If you're social, you become more social. If you're anti social, you become more anti-social. But the problem with meritocracies Is that if you don't succeed and if you're not happy, the only person you can blame is yourself. Right. So there's actually more suicidality, more depression, anxiety. in more meritocratic cultures, I believe. The difference is that happy people

Feel loved. Welcome to the show. I'm Jordan Harbinger. On the Jordan Harbinger show, we decode the stories, secrets, and skills of the world's most fascinating people. Our mission is to help you become a better informed, more critical thinker through long form conversations with a variety of amazing folks, from spies to CEOs, athletes, authors, thinkers, and performers, even the occasional extreme athlete, music mogul, or real life pirate. If you're new to the show or you want to tell your friends about the show, I suggest our episode Starter Packs. These are collections of some of our favorite episodes on topics like persuasion and negotiation, psychology, geopolitics, disinformation, China, North Korea, crime and cults, and more.

That'll help new listeners get a taste of everything we do here on the show, just visit JordanHarbinger.com slash start or search for us in your Spotify app to get started. Today on the show, how can you be surrounded by people who genuinely love you, spouse, kids, friends, co workers, and still feel completely alone? Today we're talking with happiness researcher Sonia Ludwomirsky, author of How to Feel Loved, about the surprisingly massive gap between being loved and actually having that love register psychologically. We'll get into why money, status, attractiveness, achievement, and optimizing your dating life like you're buying a used Porsche can get you attention without getting you intimacy. And why the whole love language thing might be a lot shakier than Instagram therapists would have you believe, and why vulnerability does not mean turning dinner into an unsolicited director's cut of your childhood trauma. We'll also get into listening, radical curiosity, AI girlfriends and boyfriends, MDMA and chemically assisted connection, and the uncomfortable possibility that these tools won't actually fix your relationship. They'll merely reveal that you picked the wrong person.

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