The Skill No One Teaches Us About Love | Baya Voce

We're taught how to fall in love, but not how to stay there. We've grown up on a diet of Hollywood rom-coms and Disney. So you see kind of hashtag couple goals online and it just doesn't map on to your internal experience. We think that relationships should be going to the spot, but healthy relationships feel way more like going to the gym. We have this fantasy world and then there's a reality world.

and they don't match up. And so we end up being disappointed, dissolutioned, discouraged, frustrated, and actually don't know how to navigate through the landscape of relationship to have a fulfilling, happy partnership. The goal of healthy relationships is not to fight less. If a couple comes into my office and they never fight, I am always more concerned. Conflict in relationships is healthy.

The problem gets to be where if we're going into hyperarousal or hypo arousal, we've lost choice. How I think about repair actually, like what is repair? is the ability to have choice. But when we're hijacked, we don't. Bea Voce is a relationship repair expert with a master's degree from Columbia University, whose work helping couples reconnect after conflict and disconnection has reached millions, including through her widely viewed TEDx talk on loneliness.

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