If You Can't Stop Thinking About Your Ex, Do This (The Path To Real Closure)

You all know that feeling after a breakup, where you're sitting in confusion, hurt, and heartbreak, and all you want is some sort of explanation that helps the pain make sense. You replay conversations, reread old texts, stalk their social media, and drive yourself crazy searching for the perfect answer that might make the breakup hurt even just a little bit less. Eventually, you convince yourself that what you actually need is one more conversation with your ex. I know you've done this. I think almost everyone has been there at some point, because one of the hardest parts of heartbreak is how badly the mind wants resolution.

When a significant relationship in your life ends without the clarity you need, your brain can get stuck, spiraling over and over trying to understand why your heart and your nervous system are so deregulated. Wanting a sense of closure is natural because right now you think closure is finally hearing the explanation that makes the reason for the breakup click into place. You think if your ex could just admit they handled things the wrong way, you'd finally feel free enough to let go. You might even think your ex doesn't realize how badly they've hurt you, and you tell yourself, if only they could know, things would be different. But the reality is, real closure does not come from another person, and the journey to true

Genuine closure begins the moment you stop expecting the person who hurt you to be the one who heals you. I've coached a lot of people through breakups and closure conversations, and one of the ways that it's not been helpful is we think more information leads to more healing. But more often than not, more information leads to more questions. So when you go through a breakup, you think if I had all the answers, I'd be satisfied. Whereas what happens when you get the answers is you just have loads more questions.

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