Moment 150: The REAL (& Usually Unseen) Reason You’re Struggling With Love & Relationships!: Logan Ury

Uh listening who's feeling really stuck, going deep on attachment theory is one of the number one things that you can do to really understand yourself, understand your past patterns, understand who you've been attracted to and why it isn't working. And so there's a lot of great relationship science out there, but this might be the number one thing that I want people to take away. Let me describe what happens when you're avoiding attach. So first there's a trigger. So the trigger might be that you go out with somebody on Saturday, you have a great night, they sleep over and Sunday, you wake up and you're just ready to do your thing, but they're still there. So you feel triggered by the fact that they're still at your house.

Then you do something called deactivating strategies. So these are thoughts or feelings that Push them away. So it might be like, oh my God, it's ten o'clock and she hasn't brushed her teeth yet. When is she gonna leave? Oh, uh, you know, is she gonna be here forever? And then you start thinking about flaws in that person. Well, this is wrong with her. Or that is wrong with her. And there's all these things that are subtly pushing her away from you. And then you do a protest behavior, which is sort of snapping or just saying something like

Okay, I called your Uber. And I feel like many of us have had that situation where you think you're going You think things are going well with somebody, and then all of a sudden they're like the Ur's here, and you're like, Oh, so you're kicking me out. And it's so interesting because it's like the other person has no idea what's going on for you. They feel like you just had a great date and they're like, Great, let's go out to the diner for breakfast. And instead that person is like, I will never have my life back. You are taking over my world. You're really blushing. And So what an avoidant attached person can do

We already have this episode, so unlocking it is cheap and permanent: the full transcript, segment and word-level timestamps, and .txt, .srt, .vtt and word-level JSON downloads, as many times as you like, forever.

10 free credits is 10 episodes like this one a month. Episodes nobody has transcribed yet cost their length in hours, because we have to actually transcribe them.