#608 How to respond to feedback you don't agree with

Hi, it's Helen from the Squiggly Careers Podcast, and you're listening to another one of our Squiggly shortcuts. These weekly episodes are designed to be a little bit shorter than our Tuesday discussions and focused on a common career challenge or opportunity that we hope we can share an idea with you, which helps you to take action quite quickly. And so today I want to talk about perhaps a sort of tricky topic, which is what to do when you receive feedback that you don't agree with. And we all know. feedback is a gift, et cetera, et cetera. But it doesn't mean it's always easy to hear. And sometimes it can feel quite hard to respond to in the moment. And I think the difficult thing that can happen is when we feel like we have to rush to resolve it. So here's what I'm going to do and we have to think that through in the moment. Oh when we don't agree with it and it feels like we're in this sort of high debate conversation. And we often lose the learning in those moments and we don't really feel in control of the conversation. And I think any time that you don't feel in control of a conversation, which is about your development, or you lose the learning, then it's not it's not a great outcome. So what I want to do is talk through a way that you can feel more in control and you can increase the learning. That

is the aim. Even if you don't agree with the feedback that you're receiving. And I have definitely been in this situation, whether it's feedback I've had from my manager or maybe colleagues, or perhaps feedback I've even had from listeners before about the podcast. So you know, I've I've definitely been in this situation and and what I'm gonna talk through is something that's worked really, really well for me. So the solution is called the multiplier effect and it's actually a tool that we talk about in our book, Learn Like a Lobster. It's in the second part, which is about learning in hard moments, and because I think it it really helps us to do that. So this is how it works. So first of all, you get the feedback from someone, whoever, whoever it's come from, let's imagine it's from your from your manager. 'Cometim that can be the hardest feedback to hear. And they've shared something about your Behavior at work in a meeting that you don't necessarily agree with. Now, in that moment when you are on the end of that kind of feedback.

Try to make your primary aim curiosity. So don't defend, don't try to resolve, just try to stay curious. Gather as much data as you comfortably can in that moment. Which might sound like Can you tell me a little bit more about what you heard me say or what you saw me do? Um, was this the first time you've seen this? Can you give me any more examples? Let's stay curious. And when you feel like you've gathered as much as you comfortably can, and it might feel uncomfortable because you know you're upset. So if you comfortably can't continue that conversation, conclude it. Just say Thank you, I appreciate you sharing this with me. I'd like to reflect on it and come back to you. Make that your closing statement. curious and close when it feels comfortable to do so. Now your next thing is the multiplier effect. So we're gonna take that conversation and talk it through with at least two more people.

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